Why don't we learn new skills?
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After reading David Bessis's book (summary below, blog review here) on developing mathematical intuition and mastery, I've been reflecting on how to apply what he shares to any skill in life, whether it’s math, business, leadership, skiing, or empathy. I think he's on to something, as I have not yet found an area where I didn’t improve once I started investing in regular training of that skill in some version of deliberate practice.
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Even just forty years ago, learning to become an expert at something required traveling to find an existing master and apprenticing with them to learn what they know. We now live in a world of information abundance, where there are hundreds of YouTube videos and how-to articles plus a Reddit forum on almost any imaginable subject. The barrier to learning something is no longer proximity to an expert or the required information. So what is stopping us?
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"I'm too busy" is a common complaint, and certainly we are suffering from a lack of time and especially attention due to the distraction devices in our pockets.
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But I believe there's something deeper here around how we've been taught to learn, inspired by reading this essay on why society stopped producing geniuses. Erik Hoel's theory is that 1:1 tutoring is what created a set of world-changing polymaths like Bertrand Russell, John Stuart Mill and Albert Einstein.
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What makes 1:1 tutoring effective? It's personalized as the tutor can challenge the student right at the edge of their capabilities, making it harder if it's too easy, or easier if they get too frustrated. It's not confined to a specific curriculum. It's about developing the habit of learning about anything and following the student's curiosity, rather than injecting information into a mind (the industrial mode of teaching that became common with public education in the 20th century).
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Bessis puts it another way:
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we so often limit ourselves to learning only what’s officially possible to learn (things that have introductory or professional development courses), what you can learn by imitating others, or what comes naturally. The rest, the secret and invisible apprenticeships, are said to be “gifts,”“talents,”“supernatural powers.”
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We learn what we are told we can learn, not whatever we want. We believe that our learning capabilities are limited, and therefore don't even look at the information available to teach us a new skill. The reason we don't learn is the belief that we can't do anything with the information because it's a "gift" or "talent", not a skill that is learned through practice.
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But we can reverse all that by starting from the belief that anything can be learned (Bessis shares the example of a blind kid teaching himself to navigate through echolocation before anybody told him it was impossible).
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One thing I love about coaching is that it is a way to reintroduce the 1:1 tutoring mindset to people. Leadership is not a "gift" that people either have or don't; it's a set of skills that can be learned, and I can give them drills to develop those skills. I can stretch them just a little bit beyond their capacity into being uncomfortable, but not so far as to panic them into shutting down. And once people realize they can learn new skills, they don't need me any more; they have developed the meta-skill of learning and the confidence to push through discomfort.
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And, yes, that is part of what I want readers to learn from reading my book, You Have A Choice - the recurring question of "How are you the problem?" is an invitation for people to recognize that what is holding them back isn't a lack of information or a lack of access, it's their unwillingness to face their own discomfort.
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What was the last new skill you learned? How long has it been since you experienced being a beginner and constantly failing at something?
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When we learn to celebrate failure instead of avoiding it, then we open the possibility to constant learning.
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P.S. I went to an improv workshop this week where the teacher had us lean into that - every time somebody made a mistake, they shouted "I made a mistake" and everybody cheered. The whole night was about encouraging people to leap and take a risk before they knew how it would turn out, and trust they would figure it out with the support of their scene partner. That last part is important, and another key ingredient of 1:1 tutoring or coaching - it's not just taking risks, it's taking risks with support.
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And now for the normal personal development content…
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Blog: David Bessis believes that “Learning math should be like learning any other motor skill, like learning to swim or ride a bike, and it should be accessible to everyone.” Bessis shares how he achieved remarkable results as a mathematician in his book Mathematica: A Secret World of Intuition and Curiosity by taking a counterintuitive approach to learning math. His reflections are a guide to how any of us can train ourselves to do more than we think we can if we are willing to push through the discomfort of not knowing. More stories and quotes in my longer review on the blog.
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LinkedIn: These are ideas that have helped my clients (or myself), and that I share via LinkedIn to help a wider audience, and archive here.
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- Action leads to learning, not thinking. We often believe that the best way to figure out what to do next is to think about it. But that assumes we have all the information we need to make the best decision, which is almost never the case. Most decisions in life are reversible. So it's often quicker and more satisfying to just try the thing, and see if you like it, rather than agonize over whether something is the "right" choice for you.
- On Monday, Oct. 7th, I will be joining Adelina Chalmers for a LinkedIn Live conversation about the Executive Mindset. She's a CTO coach, and we will unpack how effective executives operate differently.
- I spoke with Joseph Varghese on his Rules for Success podcast. I described my own career journey as I figured out key insights that drove my later success, as well as talk about the challenge of discovering and overcoming our subconscious limiting beliefs that hold us back from greater success. Stay tuned til the end to hear my advice for people early in their careers - it may not be what you expect!
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A few articles on the subject of growth. Note: only in assembling these did I notice that the authors are two Davids and a Dan, which is a little ridiculous, like when there were more Johns than women who were CEOs of S&P 500 companies. I try to normally assemble more diverse perspectives, but these felt most relevant this week.
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- Growth Means Choosing a Different Kind of Pain, by David Cain. Cain is one of my favorite mindfulness bloggers, and I love his observation that we give up "way too much in an effort to protect against certain kinds of pain. When protecting yourself from a certain unpleasant possibility becomes non-negotiable, you’re liable to suffer in other ways, often to a much greater degree." He uses the example of avoiding the discomfort of small talk (but suffering loneliness and lack of connection as a result) or avoiding the challenge of exercise (but suffering aches and lack of fitness as a result). What short-term pain are you avoiding and can you instead notice the long-term pain you are heading towards as a result?
- Does This Need to Be a Goal?, by David Spinks. We often focus on the end result, the goal, rather than the process to achieve that goal. Spinks offers five questions to translate the goal ("an outcome I’m committing to achieve") into an intention ("how I want to show up to the process"). He applies the framework to 3 real-life goals he holds. I like it as a way to be present to what you want to do each day, rather than live in a future possibility.
- Admitting What is Obvious, by Dan Shipper. I love these first paragraphs of this essay where Shipper shares the realization that despite being a multiple-time entrepreneur, he is a writer at heart.
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"Ignoring what is obvious incurs a huge cost.
It requires you to go about your day numbing yourself to the reality of who you are and what you want—which is a waste of time for you and everyone around you.
By contrast, admitting what is obvious is freeing and motivating. But it’s terrifying to do it. Sometimes the most obvious truths about ourselves are hard to see because the consequences of those truths seem so dire."
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm avoiding a similar obvious truth, perhaps that I'm a teacher or writer at heart.
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Thanks for reading! See you in a couple weeks!
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The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset still stops me in my tracks, even on a hazy day.
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This is the Too Many Trees newsletter, where I share what I’ve been writing and reading in the realm of leadership and personal development. My executive coaching practice is centered around the idea that we are more effective in moving towards our goals when we become more conscious and intentional in focusing our time and attention, and learn how our unconscious patterns are holding us back. If you know somebody that could benefit from my perspective, please forward this to them or let them know they can set up a free intro chat with me.
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